What boundaries should young people set in their friendships

[Mary Naeem]

What boundaries should young people set in their friendships with people involved in unhealthy lifestyles?

This question touches upon a delicate and important aspect of Christian living in today’s world. As followers of Jesus, we are called to love all people, yet we must also remain faithful to the teachings of our Lord and the Church. Setting appropriate boundaries in our friendships with those engaged in sinful lifestyles requires wisdom, discernment, and above all, love.

Let us remember the words of our Lord Jesus: “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:31). This commandment does not come with conditions or exceptions. We are called to love all people, regardless of their lifestyle choices. But loving someone does not mean we must approve of or participate in behaviors that go against God’s will.

The key is to set boundaries that allow us to maintain our integrity and loyalty to Christ while showing love and compassion to our friends. Here are some guidelines to keep in mind:

Be clear about your own values and beliefs: It’s important to be honest and upfront about your faith and the moral standards you strive to uphold. This clarity can help prevent misunderstandings and set expectations in the friendship.
Avoid situations that may lead you into temptation: While we should not completely isolate ourselves, we must also be wise about the environments we place ourselves in. As Saint Paul advises, “Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character'” (1 Corinthians 15:33).
Practice respectful disagreement: It’s possible to disagree with someone’s choices without rejecting them as a person. Learn to express your concerns or disagreements in a loving and respectful manner.
Set limits on shared activities: Be willing to participate in activities that don’t compromise your values, but also be prepared to respectfully decline invitations to events or situations that may go against your conscience.
Maintain your spiritual health: Regular prayer, Bible reading, and partaking of the sacraments will strengthen you and help you navigate difficult situations with grace.
Seek support from your faith community: Surround yourself with fellow believers who can provide guidance, support, and accountability in your efforts to maintain healthy boundaries.
Be a witness through your actions: Let your life be a testimony to the joy and peace that come from following Christ. As Saint Francis of Assisi said, “Preach the Gospel at all times, and when necessary, use words.”
Pray for your friends: Constantly lift up your friends in prayer, asking God to work in their lives and give you wisdom in your dealings with them.

It’s important to note, that these boundaries are not walls to keep people out, but rather fences that allow for healthy interaction while protecting our own spiritual well-being. We must always approach these situations with a heart of love and a desire for the other person’s ultimate good.

Remember the example of Jesus, who ate with tax collectors and sinners (Mark 2:15-17). He did not condone their sinful behavior, but His presence among them was an opportunity for transformation. Similarly, our friendships can be channels of God’s grace, but we must be wise in how we navigate them.

In some cases, if a friendship consistently pulls us away from our faith or if the other person doesn't respect our boundaries, it may be necessary to create more distance. This should be done through prayer, discernment, and, if possible, honest communication with the friend about your concerns.

The goal is to maintain friendships that allow us to be “in the world but not of it” (John 17:14-16), as our Lord Jesus prayed. By setting appropriate boundaries with love and wisdom, we can maintain our own faithfulness to Christ while being a positive influence in the lives of those around us.
May the Holy Spirit guide you in all your relationships, granting you the wisdom to love as Christ loves, and the strength to remain faithful to his teachings. Remember, it is by our love for one another that the world will know we are his disciples (John 13:35).